In today’s SMP [Sexual Market Place], this creates problems because most women cannot marry men they are sexually attracted to. This is a problem for most men because they are beneath most women’s attraction floors. With all restraints on female sexuality removed, this creates situations in which you have a majority of women marrying men they don’t really want to have sex with. The average man can marry a woman he’s sexually attracted to, but the average woman cannot marry a man she’s sexually attracted to.The article goes on to note that while men have fairly forgiving standards for with whom they want to have sex (i.e., they will want to have sex with a woman even if she is below the man's sexual market value (SMV)), a man will never have sex with a woman below his attraction floor. For women, though, the attraction floor is generally set above their SMV, and perhaps at their own SMV. But, here is the key difference: a woman may not be attracted (i.e., want to have sex) with someone below their own SMV, but may be willing to do so. From the aforementioned Just Four Guys article:
Keep in mind that in this post, “attraction” means sexual attraction. It refers to women who men want to have sex with; and men who women want to have sex with.
Hypergamy just means “attracted to higher sexual market value than one’s own sexual market value”.
The attraction floor is set, but that doesn’t mean a particular woman won’t go below “the floor” to seek men if those men have other things a woman wants at a particular time. A woman will go below “the floor” if and only if the man has other things the woman wants, most notably resources and commitment. Depending on multiple factors such as age, past sexual and relational experience, desire for children and status, and culture and familial pressures, many women will compromise attraction in order to secure resources and commitment.The problem for the man in such a situation is that the woman may be married to him, but still not want to have sex with him. In the past, this wasn't necessarily a significant issue: marriage laws and societal norms prevented the wife from divorcing a spouse if she found someone better, or his usefulness ended; and simply being married constituted "consent" to sex. None of this is true any longer. Liberal divorce laws not only make it easy for a woman to leave a husband, but to also take his resources with her; and rape laws have expanded to include marital relations. It is possible for a man to marry and not realize any benefit from the bargain. Thus, the most important question a man needs to answer before marrying is whether his putative spouse wants (i.e., is not just willing, but wants) to have sex with him.
There are many different reasons a woman offers sex, only one of which is pure desire. Others include validation, attention, bragging rights, rebounding, and husband/commitment seeking from men to whom she otherwise wouldn’t give any attention. What is required is her sexual desire for you. And you cannot negotiate for that desire. And you cannot create it from nothing. She either desires you, or she doesn’t. You either arouse her sexual desires, or you don’t.Due to a woman's hypergamous nature, if she is thinking of someone else during sex, it is probably because she is willing, but doesn't really want, to have sex with her partner.